End of Semester
May marks the end of the spring semester, the start of summer vacation, my birthday, and warmer weather in dreary cold New England.
Ideally this time will be restful for my frayed nerves, and allow me the opportunity to get to all the things I've been wanting to do, but haven't thanks to an excessively busy semester. The list of projects and hobbies is more of a scroll than a sticky note... but somehow they'll get done!
Now you may be wondering, "James, why are your nerves so frayed? What did they do to you this time?"
Well dear reader let me try and briefly recount the ways that my dead end, underpaying job feels more like a trial by fire then a job worth showing up for. More and more I feel that I would rather be put through the Labours of Heracles then return to that university. Now I wont give names but my school has shown up in the Boston Globe plenty of times (they really Hate my university). So if you're feeling like sleuthing it out I'll send along my blessing. Honestly the articles about the school are pretty fun to read.
It's been a long grueling semester to be sure. From school wide budget cuts and surprise layoffs, to the awful coworkers who in my humble opinion have no business calling themselves educators, and lets not forget the cesspool that is the dean's office. It's been feeling more and more like the bullies living comfortably in the upper ranks of the school are more interested in lining their pockets, making the place look profitable on paper and dolling up the facade, than providing a meaningful education and encouraging environment for the thousands of students who come to this shell of an institution year after year. I’m tired and disgusted by the sheer number of students coming to me teetering on the edge of a cliff in tears, because of how their professors and the institution at large is failing them. Just as frustratingly, I'm sick of feeling useless because I lack the authority to cut to the root of the problem and really help them beyond lending a sympathetic ear and a few words of encouragement and advice. The school has failed time and time again to provide the student body with the resources they desperately need to thrive. I'm not a counselor, my job is only to teach woodshop but I continually find myself put into roles I shouldn't be because of the school's continued neglect.
It wasn't always this bad mind you, the ship has always had holes but only noticeably started sinking about five years ago, although the faculty that have been here for forever make it sound like there's always been a need to bail out water. I only got to the institution in 2018 as a student so wasn't privy to what was happening behind the scenes. But now that I work there it has become obvious that the bullies in charge live in their insulated tower and are very willing to overlook how the rest of us are suffering because of their poor choices and neglect. The institution at large has had a history of corruption involving deans and past presidents. I guess a Law and business school, that also happens to (begrudgingly) offer degrees in the sciences and the humanities, would be prime real estate for law bending or breaking and corrupt business practices.
Any sane person would have probably quit by now but I've never been one to back down from a fight especially when theirs younger people being exploited or abused. I'm not quite ready to jump ship and leave my students behind in any case. Not to mention the job market is horrible in the U.S. right now.
I like to have all my ducks in a row before I make big life decisions like switching jobs. The last thing I want is to end up somewhere worse or earning less. With that in mind, my plan for how to keep doing what I love somewhere else is already in motion.
I'm starting grad school next month to earn a masters of fine art! The program I chose should be a good one, it's a low-residency program which means the in person part happens over the summer and everything else happens remotely so I won't have to stop working my hellish job to have a chance of earning this degree. It's always ideal to be able to keep paying rent, even if the job is soul sucking. The school I’ll be going to also liked my portfolio so much they awarded me with a decent scholarship! Every little bit helps.
I am excited to finally be doing this. I knew even before I started my bachelors degree that I would eventually go on to earn a masters and hopefully some day a doctorate too. I really like academia, though I know it's not for everyone. I think it's fun to be able to learn from people who are so engrossed in a topic and who want to share their passion with others.
It's going to be interesting to see how my art changes through the program. Working with established artists is going to be good for me in the long run, but it may not feel that way all the time. I think I'm as prepared as I can be for this next chapter of my life, I've been feeling stuck for a while now so the change is a welcome one.
I can always feel when it's time for me to move into something new, I get no satisfaction from going through the same day on repeat. I'm of the opinion that living a stationary life is for cowards scared of change, and I refuse to allow myself to live an overly predictable or routine life. I want to be brave enough to conquer my anxiety and come out the other side with stories worth telling. Growth is uncomfortable and challenging at the best of times. But it's the only way to discover and sculpt who we are and will be.
To all we may become, I hope our journey leaves us feeling fulfilled.
With love,
-J